I need to freakin die

Today i was in the semifinals for my bellevue tournament tennis match, i won 2 straight matches never losing a set..and today i face this pusher mother fucker and i totally lose my concentration and fucking just lose my mind..i got so pissed at myself and so angry, the tournament director came out on the court and gave me a warning..in my head i was like..im going to kill that guy after this match..i lose my first set 6-1..and i say to myself the only way i can win is if i injury this guy..so i start body serving to him....im trying to hit his head hoping to get his eye so he can't see..i know it sounds bad..but im a real competitive person if you don't know me very well..winning is top priority..nothing else matter..when pride is on the line..but i fucked myself over..and basically i need anger management...lost my match 1-6, 2-6..and now all i feel i got is bodybuilding..and im small..so i got basically nothing..no girl, nothing to live for really